It’s been a while since I’ve posted and BOY has a lot happened…
In case you haven’t already heard… We are expecting a baby BOY in November! For those of you who know us, you are probably as shocked as we were. I’ve told Chris for years that he has been cursed to be surrounded with women! Looks like his luck may be turning around!
In honor of the new addition heading our way, I thought I would get a little vulnerable and take you on my fertility journey. It hasn’t been terrible. But it also hasn’t been easy. Buckle up…
To begin, let’s head back to 2017. Chris and I hadn’t been dating long and I wasn’t really sure that I ever wanted kids. Then I turned 30 and something just switched in my mind and I wanted a baby. ASAP! Shortly after coming to this realization, I learned that I was pregnant with Morgan. That was easy!
But my pregnancy with Morgan was anything but easy. I was extremely sick for the entire 9 months. I lost weight in the first and second trimester from being so nauseous and throwing up so much. Then in my third trimester, my blood pressure shot up and I was induced at 37 weeks to avoid preeclampsia.
Morgan was NOT ready to come out. It took 59 hours from the time they induced me to her being born! (Yes… it was 3 days!) I won’t get into too many gory details, but I did have some complications. It took so long to make any progress after they broke my water, that my amniotic fluid got infected and I spiked a fever. Along with not making any progress, I was getting sick and there was a risk that Morgan could get sick. So they decided to check me one last time before sending me back for a c-section. Luckily, my body finally got the memo and I was far enough along to start the real work. Thank God, it didn’t take long (maybe 5 minutes) to get her out. Everything was good after that. My blood pressure went back down, my fever went away and Morgan didn’t have any issues. We were sent home a couple days later.
Chris and I knew right away that we wanted more than 1 child. But we weren’t in a big hurry to go through all of that again. I figured a 2 year age gap was good and that’s what we unofficially planned on. However, it didn’t work out like that for us.
We started trying for baby number 2 right before Morgan turned 2. We assumed it would happen quickly, since I got pregnant with Morgan so easily. Not the case! Anyone ever hear of Secondary Infertility? This is when you are unable or have difficulty conceiving after having your first child. Months and months went by and nothing happened. I was doing all of the things… Taking the supplements, tracking my cycle, testing for ovulation and talking to my doctor/getting tested. Nothing worked. It was extremely frustrating. And for anyone who has experienced something similar, you know what I mean when I say it was really hard to watch friends and family conceive so easily when you are trying so hard and nothing works. You want to be happy for them! But it also hurts because you want that so badly and don’t understand why your body isn’t doing what it’s meant to.
After 1.5 years of trying, we decided it was time to give up and a second child was not in the cards for us. We had finally come to terms with that and we were ready to accept it. Of course, that’s when I found out I was pregnant with Jenna! We were completely shocked and so excited! We both wanted a boy really bad, but had a sneaky suspicion that it would be another girl. We were right!
My pregnancy with Jenna was similar to Morgan’s, but not quite as severe. I was very nauseous the entire time, but only thew up a lot in the first trimester. Something different about this pregnancy was Jenna’s acrobatic skills. She was a gymnast in my belly, always moving and flipping around.
When I got closer to my due date, the doctor started checking her position, to make sure she was ready for delivery. That wasn’t the case. She was breech. So they asked me to come in the following week to check again. She was head down. Then at my next appointment, breech again! At that point, they gave me the option to have her “flipped in the hospital” or schedule a c-section. I was terrified to have a c-section, so we headed to the hospital to flip her. But when we got there… Guess what?! She was head down again! So they sent us home. The following week I had another checkup. She was breech again! So back to the hospital we went. This time, she didn’t move, so we proceeded with the “flipping”.
Let me tell you… that was absolutely CRAZY! They gave me a medication to loosen my muscles (it also made me shake like crazy) and had 2 doctors come in. One stood on one side of my bed and the other on the opposite. They told me that we had 3 chances to do this and they would only push on my belly for 30 seconds at a time. It if hurt too bad or wasn’t successful, we would schedule my c-section. Gulp!
So they each put their hands on my belly. One at the top and the other at the bottom. Then they pushed as hard as they possibly could, trying to rotate the baby. It was extremely painful and after several seconds (that seemed like an eternity), I asked them to stop. A few minutes later, they tried again. And it was successful! They were able to safely turn her to the correct position and put this tight strap around my belly to try and prevent her from moving again.
Immediately after that, they induced me. I was at 40 weeks by then and they didn’t want to give her an opportunity to move again. 10 hours later, Jenna was born – right on her due date! (Did you know that’s extremely rare?!)
After than, Chris and I were undecided if we wanted more kids. I struggled really bad with postpartum depression after Jenna was born and it took a while for me to get back to normal. By the time she was nearing 1.5 years old, I was ready to try again for baby number 3. But Chris wasn’t convinced. He was content with 2 and was convinced that we would have another girl. After months of talking about it, we agreed that we would stop at 2. So I made him an appointment to get a vasectomy.
When the time came around for his consultation, he called me and said “what if I decided that I do want one more?”. I was shocked… He wasn’t ready to make the final decision, so he canceled his appointment and we decided to “not try, but not not try”. After several months, I found out I was pregnant and we were both really excited. But that was short lived.
Around 6 weeks I had a miscarriage. It was devastating. I wasn’t far along enough to need a D&C (aka medical intervention) and the doctor basically told me to just rest and let my body do what it needed to. I was heartbroken. I’ve had friends who have experienced this. Unfortunately, it’s quite common. But you don’t really understand it until you go through it yourself. I felt like my body had failed and every time I used the restroom, I was flushing my baby down the toilet. (I know… TMI… But I told you I was going to get vulnerable…)
Quick side note for anyone who is trying to support someone that is going through this… Don’t tell them that “it’s ok, you can try again”, “it wasn’t meant to be”, “everything happens for a reason”, etc. It might seem like the right thing to say, but it made me feel like my baby wasn’t real or could be replaced. To everyone else, this was just a loss of something that could have been. To me, this was a loss of life. A part of me. This baby couldn’t be replaced by then next one that might come around. It was a lost soul that never got the chance to live. And it wasn’t something that I was going to get over immediately.
After that, Chris and I decided that we did want to try again. As we suspected, it didn’t work. Again, I did all of the tracking, took the supplements and tests and nothing happened. I was 36 at this point and my chances of getting pregnant and having a healthy pregnancy were shrinking. So after a year or so, we gave up again. Guess what happened next? I got pregnant!
So that brings us up to speed now. I am currently 20 weeks pregnant with our baby BOY! We are so excited to have a third child, especially a boy! We didn’t think this would ever be in our future and we feel extremely blessed to be expecting again. We’ve had a few hiccups along the way, and I am still technically a high risk geriatric pregnant lady (lovely…), but so far everything is going well.
Some advice for anyone that is trying to conceive and struggling… I know your pain. Hang in there. Ask your doctor for advice and do everything you possibly can to NOT STRESS! I truly believe that stress plays a MAJOR roll in conceiving. I got pregnant 3 times after “giving up” and letting go of all of the stress. Obviously, I ultimately was able to conceive naturally, and that isn’t the case for everyone. For that I am grateful. But don’t stop trying to find something that may work for you, if being a parent is something you really want. There are so many things that you can try, and also so many kids who are already here that need families.
Well… that’s it for now. That’s my journey with fertility so far. I hope that sharing this will help some of you remember that you’re not alone. Pregnancy can be wonderful and scary and exciting and heartbreaking. Trying to conceive is a rollercoaster all of its own. Hang in there ladies! You got this!
Thanks for reading!
xoxo
Crystal